November 2021 – The Biswolds

Last night we had to say goodbye to one of our labs and I’m gutted. 14.5 years ago Liz and I drove out to a farm in Frederick, Maryland and brought home 2- 8 week old Labrador retriever puppies; sisters from the same litter, one yellow; one white. I’m certain even our closest friends thought we were crazy. We were moving in together and getting not 1 but 2 puppies at once. We had only been together for 7 months at the time.

Bondi at 5-6 weeks old…in the labs for sale for sale ad

But these 2 girls have been with us through it all. They were our first babies and they helped prep us for these 3 boys. They moved with us from our first home in Baltimore to Arnold, Maryland across the country to Culver City, California and then to Manhattan Beach. They have welcomed their brothers home from the hospital one by one, probably wondering when it would stop…haha. They have been inseparable until today when we had to say goodbye to our yellow lab Bondi doggie.

It took a little while but Bondi established herself as the dominant dog in our house. Years ago, and maybe a when our dogs were still only a year or two old, we were watching an episode of Dog Whisperer and he said you should never get two dogs from the same litter, especially sisters. Whoops, too late. That sibling rivalry prepped us too. She wasn’t much of a retriever but always had a stick in her mouth when her sister chased the ball. She was a true watch dog and we joked that she didn’t sleep after we had kids because she was always sleeping with one eye open to protect them. She didn’t get along with a lot of other dogs except her sister and my moms dogs. She preferred people. She spent hours at Patterson Park running up and down the hill by the Pagoda when we lived in Baltimore City. She regularly explored the Bay Hills golf course with her sister. And our Culver City neighbors started recognizing her out walking the nearby streets and would secure her behind our gate again.

She loved her brothers fiercely and they adored her. She let them lay on her, steal her bed, ride her back, pull her tail, and worse…Christian once sat on her and put his finger inside of her eyelid. She wagged her tail rapidly and looked me straight in the eye and basically said, “seriously? get this kid off of me mom!” In our new house she was their first stop coming in the door from school or sports where they’d announce “Bondi – “Bonnie”, how was your day?!” and give her ears a rub or a big hug and kiss. They were closer to her than our other dog because she always wanted to be near them. She went out back if that’s where they were playing, she laid at the door of their room if they were in there, and she planted herself at the top of the stairs when we watched a movie.

The Covid shutdown was shit for a lot of reasons but it gave us so much time at home with our dogs without the rat race of work and school. Pre-Covid they were left at home for 9+ hours a day. But during Covid we were all home, together. I know the love and attention she got during that time extended her life beyond what it would have been.

But recently she took a turn for the worse. She wasn’t able to walk well, hadn’t eaten for a few days, and stopped wagging her tail. Her eyes were sunken and she was shaking. We knew it was time and scheduled the vet come to the house last night. We knew it would be traumatic to bring her into an office because she HATED the vet. So we kept her home where she was comfortable on her bed with all the people around that she loved the most. The boys said their goodbyes. Gabe got more emotional that he had let himself get the whole day. He told me earlier in the day it feels weird to cry when other people are crying but that he was still sad. Christian quite literally said: “goodbye Bondi” because his little mind couldn’t understand what was about to happen. The younger two went into their room.

McKay stayed and listened to every word from the vet on how it would happen and waited for the catheter to be in, then he told Bondi she had been the best dog ever and he would love her forever. I do believe that we never forget our first dogs, Liz and I still remember ours.

I held onto Bondi’s head and Liz held her paw as they gave her the medicine that puts her to sleep. She hadn’t rested or slept well in days or months maybe so I imagine her body was beyond ready to be in that state. Then they administered the second one that stops her heart. I know it was the best gift we could give her, to help her no longer suffer, but I felt like I’d been stabbed in the chest. I am no stranger to death but I sobbed and sunk into Liz as I held Bondi and felt the soft fur around her head and ears.

How lucky are we that we’ve felt a love that makes this hurt so much? I walked into the boys room and told them she was gone. To my surprise they all wanted to see her. She was on a little stretcher and had a nice blanket on her. She looked peaceful and just like she was sleeping. The boys said final goodbyes and we walked back into their room. Last night was a hard night. It was one of the hardest I’ve had as a parent both because we lost our first baby and because I felt the need to support my human babies through this.

I’m also grieving because it’s an end of an era. Liz and I adopted our fur babies when we were still babies ourselves without much real world responsibility except showing up for work and paying our bills. Young and madly in love, they were our first parenting gig. They have been here for all of the seasons of our life up to this point. They have gotten older, we are getting older, our kids are growing up. Life didn’t appear to move this fast when I was a kid.

I couldn’t sleep last night. Bondi has been waking us up for months to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. The house felt extra empty without her in it at 3am and again this morning. Gabe has nervous energy he’s channeling into artwork and writing. Christian keeps asking where Bondi is, and McKay is sad and upset but trying to be the good older brother by telling the other two we are sad. We bought our Christmas tree this afternoon and Christian was being exceptionally difficult. Don’t be fooled by FB and instagram, he’s always difficult, but today was the worst. I finally said, let me give you a hug. He wrapped his arms around me and started crying hard and said: “I miss Bonnie, I miss Bonnie.” Me too buddy.

Thanks for 14.5 wonderful years of unconditional love Bondi…Bondi-Ondie, Bondi Bubs, Bonnie…We will do our best to pour all the extra love we gave you into your sister now.

See you at the rainbow bridge 🌈