She was suddenly and cruelly ripped from our lives 4 years ago. We tried to keep the band together. The first couple of years we did a fairly good job of it and then the nights out were fewer and further between. Were all busy…we have 9 kids between us and jobs and spouses…but my gut always takes me back to this big personality that no longer sits at the table gossiping with us, forcing us to take shots, and drink too much beer. El Nino is gone and we are here still picking up the pieces.
I had seen individual GNO members over the last 6 months but we hadn’t gathered together as a cohesive unit for a year maybe? We went out for crabs and beer…we obviously had to get our fill before we headed West. Old Bay and Vinegar on blue crabs isn’t a thing in California. Believe me, it was on our ‘Con’ list. We sat there talking and laughing about old times and current times, ragged on each other, talked about our move…I love these girls. There’s something about the friends that you literally came of age with that is different from any other friendship you will ever know. I will miss them all so much, and at the same time, I have been missing them for a while. I hope that our return trips back home will force some GNO’s onto that calendar and eventually there will be a weekend GNO that travels West to us!
The last few days in Maryland were a blur. We had Monday and Tuesday to get organized before the movers came on Wednesday. My cousins came over on Monday night to say goodbye and by default help us move some furniture out of our house and back into my mom’s place. My cousin Corrine had just gotten married earlier in the summer and brought pictures over. We looked at pictures, talked, ate takeout, and prolonged the inevitable goodbyes. We cried when it was that time. My cousins growing up had been like brothers and sisters to me even though they lived in Florida and my brother and I lived in Maryland. The bond that my cousins shared over that distance is one of the things that made me less anxious about moving our boys away from their cousins.
The movers packed us in a day and loaded the truck on the following day. In just 36 hours our house went from containing our whole lives to feeling like it didn’t belong to us anymore. We would leave on Friday. Thursday evening we showered in our empty house, zipped our suitcases, and said goodbye to a place that just 3 years ago we’d made our forever home. This was the only place Gabe had ever known and arguably the only place that McKay had remembered. Gabe will probably never remember living here, being brought home only 2 days after he was born, walking here for the first time, throwing tennis balls to the dogs, clapping for the golfers after they teed off on hole #13, walking to the coffee shop, and riding bikes up and down our super long driveway. I cried when we pulled out…Too late to look back…way too freaking late.
As we headed over the Bay Bridge for our last ‘friend’ goodbyes I knew this one was damned from the onset. We were headed to Kellie’s parents’ house. This is the week we lost her 4 years ago and gained two twins that look just like her. My (our) best friend Megan was there…she had driven up from the beach and was headed back that night. She is the reason that Liz’s path and my path ever crossed in the first place. So she is ‘our’ best friend…but I claim her first. She only had to speak 9 words to open the flood gate… ‘ok, I think we are going to head out’. Not that anyone’s goodbye is easy but I knew this was going to be one of the worst. Megan had been my rock through my parents divorce, regular high school woes, my borderline eating disorders, ups and downs in college, my dad’s death, my breakup with my fiance, my coming to terms with not being as straight as I thought…. All of those little cliffhangers above could be their own separate post…or multiple posts. More to come…maybe. I only hope I’ve been there as much for her as I know she has been there for me. It’s not easy leaving her but our friendship is one that can’t be lessened by any number of miles in between us.
After her goodbye I tried to get a hold of myself because ultimately, this night was about Kellie and her family, not me. I did a fairly good job until it was time to say goodbye to Kellie’s mom. I know that Kellie’s three kids, her extended family, and her friends have become lifeboats for her mom. She holds us all close because we are reminders, sad but good, reminders of the daughter that she lost. We held each other close as tears dripped onto the other’s shoulder. Words have become somewhat unnecessary between us….we know what we are both thinking. This isn’t fair, she should still be here, nobody is the same since she died, and we miss her, the void sucks, fuck, shit, fuck.
We checked into a hotel in Annapolis since we didn’t have anything left in our house to sleep on. We had a few things to do in the morning before the airport. Liz and I ordered pizza delivery because we hadn’t eaten dinner. We ate our slices while our two baby boys slept next to us…trying to take in the fact that we were about to turn all of our lives upside down.
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